Life and Living: My lessons on politeness
I'm having a very hard time surviving in the so called real world.
I totally missed the lessons on politeness growing up so I'm learning it the very hard way, through losing friends. Politeness is some mystic thing that everyone else in the world instinctively knows very well.
I'll say it right now. I don't have the politeness instinct. I was raised in a rude family that spoke loudly, yelled at most everyone, and farted whenever the need arose. I'm trying, but I feel like as soon as I get my head above water I drown in my own words and actions again. Words and actions I always viewed as normal regular codes of behavior. That everyone else besides my family thinks is gross, disgusting, impolite, bad, and terribly rude behavior. The way my family raised me taught me things is drastically different from everyone else I have encountered in the past year as I try to emerge from my shell.
I'm very emo sad right now. I'm thinking maybe I should just slam the shell shut and stay locked away in there forever tossing away the map out.
I'm starting to understand that the root of my own shyness and inability to talk to people is because I completely lack any politeness or idea on how to act around normal people. I lock myself up because it's the only way to feel accepted in a group setting as the 'quiet' one. I can't warm up to anyone without an insulting incident. It's saturday now, that makes 2 people insulted this week. I usually don't say anything after insulting someone.
I feel very bad about it, but I also feel I can't do or say anything without making things 10x worse. When I try to make amends after insulting someone, I usually end up pissing them off by pushing my conversation on them, and when this happens my victims claim that I can't admit that I was wrong. Maybe I can't, maybe they piss me off because they arn't tough enough to take a minor insult that's a sign of affection in my family. You try showing someone a sign of mild affection and tell me what your reaction is when they get pissy at you.
Everytime I F' up like this I feel like withdrawing into that protective shell and not saying more than 2 words in any put together sentence again.
My boyfriend's a sweet guy and he's been trying to teach me, but it's like teaching a 20 something how to write for the first time. Metaphorically speaking: I got the letter A B C D, but I have no concept on how to form the other letters. He's getting very tired of this, I can tell.
I totally missed the lessons on politeness growing up so I'm learning it the very hard way, through losing friends. Politeness is some mystic thing that everyone else in the world instinctively knows very well.
I'll say it right now. I don't have the politeness instinct. I was raised in a rude family that spoke loudly, yelled at most everyone, and farted whenever the need arose. I'm trying, but I feel like as soon as I get my head above water I drown in my own words and actions again. Words and actions I always viewed as normal regular codes of behavior. That everyone else besides my family thinks is gross, disgusting, impolite, bad, and terribly rude behavior. The way my family raised me taught me things is drastically different from everyone else I have encountered in the past year as I try to emerge from my shell.
I'm very emo sad right now. I'm thinking maybe I should just slam the shell shut and stay locked away in there forever tossing away the map out.
I'm starting to understand that the root of my own shyness and inability to talk to people is because I completely lack any politeness or idea on how to act around normal people. I lock myself up because it's the only way to feel accepted in a group setting as the 'quiet' one. I can't warm up to anyone without an insulting incident. It's saturday now, that makes 2 people insulted this week. I usually don't say anything after insulting someone.
I feel very bad about it, but I also feel I can't do or say anything without making things 10x worse. When I try to make amends after insulting someone, I usually end up pissing them off by pushing my conversation on them, and when this happens my victims claim that I can't admit that I was wrong. Maybe I can't, maybe they piss me off because they arn't tough enough to take a minor insult that's a sign of affection in my family. You try showing someone a sign of mild affection and tell me what your reaction is when they get pissy at you.
Everytime I F' up like this I feel like withdrawing into that protective shell and not saying more than 2 words in any put together sentence again.
My boyfriend's a sweet guy and he's been trying to teach me, but it's like teaching a 20 something how to write for the first time. Metaphorically speaking: I got the letter A B C D, but I have no concept on how to form the other letters. He's getting very tired of this, I can tell.
posted by Skaldi | 1:10 AM
1 Comments:
Dear Sircha!
Living in the present is the best thing one can do instead of reflecting the past of what one did or others did to you..even pointing fingers at the past at your 'rude' family is not a good way to justify the actions which your do at the present. I know all of us do it but I believe now when we believe we are mature and smart, shouldn't we take the responsibilty of our own actions??
Sircha, the best thing would be to thoroughly analyse whts fending off your frens ?? what exactly is pissing off others ....is it just becoz your are aggresive or somehting else....I am not ready to really believe that you loose your cool so much that later you rethink abt it realising your mistake. Its a good sign actually. Your mere writing a blog in this subject means you like your frens very much and do not really mean when u say impolite stuffs to others......and another most imp thing which I myself practise a lot.....avoid the habit of thinking abt the unhappy events happenning....hamesha try having fun...we often unnecessarily exaggerate our misfortunes so much so that its starts moulding our personalities making us grave creatures, and we hardly realise wht we have become....
anyways...have fun...tension nahi lene ka :))
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