Possibly last post

Dunebless (11:05:28 AM): yo
Dunebless (11:06:39 AM): I didn't lose an eye and I'm not suing, I was pulling a bit of a joke on a bad situation.
Dunebless (11:07:16 AM): I have an unfortunate tendency towards doing that, and I'm sorry.
Dunebless (11:07:40 AM): dramatising real situations
Dunebless (11:07:46 AM): and there's no excuse.
Dunebless (11:08:18 AM): that's why I make a better DM, but I poor reporter.
Dunebless (11:10:12 AM): I'm not a credible source for anything mroe than small talk, even then the Sircha personality sometimes takes over.
Dunebless (11:10:41 AM): I can't ever go back to DR, the Sircha personality is to strong and too much for me to ever get a handle on.
Dunebless (11:11:39 AM): I try not to think of Sircha (the bard) of DR for this reason.
Dunebless (11:12:15 AM): just thinking of S immediately puts me into her character, whether I want to be or not.
Dunebless (11:15:07 AM): S became a very strong character personality, very dramatic, always making a big fuss over an anthill and warping the truth to fit the character's needs.
Dunebless (11:16:00 AM): while this was terribly fun to play, I've found the character personality to be incredibly hard to turn off, and she unfortunately does turn on a lot when I don't mean to.
Dunebless (11:16:13 AM): Infact whenever someone mentions Sircha she usually turns on.
TincanX (11:16:34 AM): i see
Dunebless (11:16:48 AM): For those reasons, and because I don't want to be her, I've retired the character permanently.
TincanX (11:17:06 AM): so make another one
Dunebless (11:17:48 AM): I could but I've found better games than mud's to play.
TincanX (11:18:09 AM): yeah right
TincanX (11:18:10 AM): lol
Dunebless (11:18:11 AM): table top DnD is 100 times better.
TincanX (11:18:14 AM): better than muds
Dunebless (11:18:22 AM): yes
TincanX (11:18:22 AM): hahahahha
TincanX (11:18:25 AM): sure!
TincanX (11:18:30 AM): just kidding
Dunebless (11:18:32 AM): you find a good DM, and a good bunch of roleplayers
Dunebless (11:18:46 AM): and there are suddenly no limits to good fun

Life and Living: My lessons on politeness

I'm having a very hard time surviving in the so called real world.

I totally missed the lessons on politeness growing up so I'm learning it the very hard way, through losing friends. Politeness is some mystic thing that everyone else in the world instinctively knows very well.

I'll say it right now. I don't have the politeness instinct. I was raised in a rude family that spoke loudly, yelled at most everyone, and farted whenever the need arose. I'm trying, but I feel like as soon as I get my head above water I drown in my own words and actions again. Words and actions I always viewed as normal regular codes of behavior. That everyone else besides my family thinks is gross, disgusting, impolite, bad, and terribly rude behavior. The way my family raised me taught me things is drastically different from everyone else I have encountered in the past year as I try to emerge from my shell.

I'm very emo sad right now. I'm thinking maybe I should just slam the shell shut and stay locked away in there forever tossing away the map out.

I'm starting to understand that the root of my own shyness and inability to talk to people is because I completely lack any politeness or idea on how to act around normal people. I lock myself up because it's the only way to feel accepted in a group setting as the 'quiet' one. I can't warm up to anyone without an insulting incident. It's saturday now, that makes 2 people insulted this week. I usually don't say anything after insulting someone.

I feel very bad about it, but I also feel I can't do or say anything without making things 10x worse. When I try to make amends after insulting someone, I usually end up pissing them off by pushing my conversation on them, and when this happens my victims claim that I can't admit that I was wrong. Maybe I can't, maybe they piss me off because they arn't tough enough to take a minor insult that's a sign of affection in my family. You try showing someone a sign of mild affection and tell me what your reaction is when they get pissy at you.

Everytime I F' up like this I feel like withdrawing into that protective shell and not saying more than 2 words in any put together sentence again.

My boyfriend's a sweet guy and he's been trying to teach me, but it's like teaching a 20 something how to write for the first time. Metaphorically speaking: I got the letter A B C D, but I have no concept on how to form the other letters. He's getting very tired of this, I can tell.